Things I Have Learned

I canoed on a river with my 5 children and a 70 year old woman who is stronger than I am.

I learned that I am 23 times more likely to have a car accident if I'm texting while I drive.

I drove.

I didn't text.

I saw 3 deer, one of which made direct eye contact with me expressing something like this:

Deer: You wanna go?

Me: No, you go ahead.

Deer: Really? You won't smash me with your car?

Me: I won't, but you'd better hurry because there are more cars coming.

Deer: Well, warn them that I'm here.

Me: Ok, I'll turn on my headlights. Whoops, no, hold on, that was my wipers. Whoop, ok, that was my blinker. Hold on. Don't run.

Deer: You're an idiot. Are you texting?

The moral of my story: I am 23 times more likely to run into a deer no matter what.